Inappropriate Christmas Fun

In an effort to avoid my bedroom, complete with diseased husband, I decided to jot up a quick post about the Christmas conversation I referenced in my last post. It was just so...inappropriate...for Christmas - and I didn't want to forget it.

The scene: A room with my brother, his wife, the hubby, my mom, my 16 year old neice and her boyfriend and my childhood-pastor's...um...wife. (I don't think it'd be right for me to explain the 'um' there...but they are not currently in harmony....). Then we were later joined by my sister and her new fiance (!!!).
Moving on:

• Dennie (my SIL) telling me she feels sorry for the abuse I suffer (because of my husband's insanity, lol). She named them off: Physical, mental, emotional. They tried to think of more when my husband threw in Aromatically (cuz yes, he really does abuse me with his funk...often). Dennie thought he said Romantically - and the teenage boyfriend nearly passed out from embarassment. Especially when his potentional mother-in-law made us all realize that being abused romantically may not be all bad.
• I don't know how this one came up, but my sister asked about my gimp mask. I had NO clue what she meant - but, you know...had an idea. Cuz she's my sister - and she's funny like that. Wait. Like funny ha-ha......you know? Anyway, I didn't miss a beat in telling her that it was on backorder. And then my mother nearly died of embarassment.
• Drugs. Dennie had a headache and was in search of something to take care of it - and it led us down a very disturbing road. Especially when we all started sharing what pretty pills we had with us. Valium, Cymbalta, Darvocet, Percocet. Apparently we are a group of pharmecists...then we realized what a financial opportunity we had. We decided that the street name for stool softeners is Grease Lightening.
• Dennie took a valium. Through all the laughter I remember someone saying we should slip her some Grease Lightning and how she would shut down and crap in her sleep. My sister "She wake up and be all, 'I dreamed I was making snow angels". Me "Poo Angels!! And then the Neice and her boyfriend bolted.

Ahhh, Good times, good times. There was also a lot of other topics (like lesbians, small town rumors, and the fact that my mother is deaf and can't remember anything)...but, I probably shouldn't talk about those things :).

Hope your Christmas was as inappropriate as mine :)

Humor

Having one of those days - you know the ones. Anyway, Bri linked to this site and normally I'll all "No thanks" for the kitty pictures with the bad grammer, but today I laughed mah tush off. Here are a few that I cackled over.




more cat pictures

Ok, I'm done.
Sean's sis and family came up here last night and stayed until about 1 am. I thought it was a great visit - I can't even explain how much I love that they are in our lives.
Sean's softball game got cancelled - for the second week in a row. Its driving him nuts, but its giving them some practice time. I'd like to actually get all hyped up for it and then SEE a game.

Giggle-Snort

Ok..so I was looking online for a photography themed charm bracelet. I found none - but I did find a site with some neat charms. First I'm going to show you the 'search criteria' I used on the site to find this nifty charm - then the charm itself. Process went like this.

Site>Hobby Charms>This fun guy....

Bwahahahaha!! Not that I think vasectomies are funny....but OMG look at the charm!! AND, the big question on my mind is: How is this a hobby?

Definition of Hobby: : a pursuit outside one's regular occupation engaged in especially for relaxation — hob·by·ist \-bē-ist\ noun

K...yeah...SO, what form of this is relaxation and for who, exactly? And, wouldn't you typically have to 'enjoy' it more than once to be considered a hobby? I thought this procedure was a one-time thing....

Kinda makes you wonder if doctors (probably the female ones) enjoy this procedure a little more than they should.....

Wild Packs of Chihuahua's

Ok: My husband works for Harley-Davidson and while at work today he told some guys about the wild packs of chihuahua's that run around Mexico. He got teased no end about it so came home and looked it up. Up until a few moments ago this is all I knew about them: They have been known to travel in packs of 50 or more and would hunt down wild pigs.
Ok, that was enough to make me laugh and I cracked a few jokes like "Imagine the noise 50 chihuahua's would make!"

While outside just now, after realizing I needed to get my blog post in for the day, we started to discuss them and had a laugh about the pack of 50 thing. I said "What?...do they go for the legs first?" He started laughing so hard he nearly toppled the chair over and said "Yes..they...do" (while laughing.)

He then went on to tell me about the rest of the article: They often hunted deer as well and one brave chihuahua would jump up face to face with the deer, thus sacrificing itself to distract the deer so the other chihuahua's could take out its legs. He would die so that the others could eat.
I can not begin to describe how hard we were laughing at this. I nearly peed my pants.