Journey to Motherhood: Part 2

So at this point I will start with my July 31st 'diary' entry and spare you the details of my cycle, lol.

~July 31 Still no period this month. Buying test tomorrow. (Can you tell how excited I was?)
~August 2 Morning sickness? Nauseous and stomach pain. Missed most of work. Stopped around 12:30. Little twinges later. Very tired.
~August 3 Woke up with pain, like gas. Went away before I left for work. Felt like could be kidney infection. Got to work, empty painful feeling at waist. Not as bad as yesterday. No nausea at 8:10. Took pregnancy test - POSITIVE! Yay!!!
~August 4 Pain comes after I sleep. This morning wasn't so bad, but tonight, after sleeping for work. (I worked as a night auditor at the hotel at this point, so I slept during the day.) I just had to get up and spend the usual 30 minutes in the bathroom. I don't like this :( Nauseous at work, but no pain. (I had to set out breakfast and make coffee...the smell of coffee made me SO ill.)
~August 7 Made 1:30 appt. with new Dr. on 8/10 - Thursday. Initial pregnancy visit.
~August 10 8 weeks today!! Dr. is wonderful. They did a pap and exam. Took blood for lab, plus are checking my thyroid. She says my due date is March 22nd, isn't that a riot? Her b-day is 3/8 - can't forget. Appt. 9/11/00 @9 am
~Sept. 11 Sean and I went for 2nd Dr. visit. Heard wonderful sound - Heartbeat! I lost weight. Changed possible due date to March 30th. Next appt 10-10-00.
~October 11 Dr. couldn't get heartbeat so sent me to get sonogram. Said there is possibility I'm having twins. Saw very active beautiful baby. Had lost 3 pounds, but grew 9 cm. Says I'm too big for normal 16 6/7 week of pregnancy. Next Dr. visit Nov. 8. Gave me antibiotics for cold and little kidney thing. Declined AFP test.
~October 19 Went to see Dr. today for dizziness. Found out I'm allergic to penicillin (amoxycillan). Oops! Gave me meds for dizziness.
~November 8 Everything is fine. We heard the heartbeat, but the baby kept moving around. We are doing a sonogram on the 17th at 1:30 I can't wait. She said they'll look for a sex if we want them too. Yeah! Next appt Dec. 6. Gained 2 pounds. Urine fine.
~November 17 Well the sonogram showed one baby but it showed the sizes of the baby being 19w5days. That made the due date April 8th. I wish I knew for sure :). I'll just be happy whenever it gets here. It weighs .7 pounds and the heart rate was 142 bpm. Couldn't tell a sex, but we did see the baby w/ legs spread and on its back. I'm thinking girl. Really don't care which though. Someone else said that happened to her & it was a girl.
~December 6 Dr. said everything looked fine, but had to have sonogram on 12/07. They didn't tell me anything, but said doc would get results sometime this week. Heart rate was 160bpm. Good. I have to be tested for gestational diabetes on January ?...Sometime that first week. Hand numbness and pain in my side is nothing to worry about. Said baby is active! (Pain in side turned out to be Ike pinching my sciatic nerve - still have problems with that and the fact that he was active gave me little comfort. My mother had a stillborn birth from an 'active' baby getting the cord wrapped around its neck.)
~December 27 Baby was laying across my tummy so they don't know what the sex is. Said everything is looking great with both of us. I gained 12 pounds since last visit. Only gained 17 pounds for whole pregnancy which is healthy she says. Said I need to get a tour of the hospital set up. Wants me to come in Jan. 5 for glucose test for gestational diabetes.
~January 5 Took horrible test. Took blood, drank diet coke tasting stuff and hour later had blood drawn again from same place, OUCH! Called me- said everything came back normal. Yay!!!
~January 24 Everything was fine w/baby. Nothing new.
~February 7 Just got over flu. Blood pressure was 124/90. Up just a little but they were not worried. Baby's heartbeat was 144 bpm. Doc told me I could take Mylanta gas relief (geeez, now you all know I was gassy!) for heartburn. Hearing the healthy heartbeat was absolutely wonderful!
~February 21 Everything sounds great. She says I'm 35 weeks now and when I come in next week they are going to do the pelvic exam. I have gained 31 pounds this pregnancy. Says I'm doing really good.
~March 2 Even after the fall yesterday the baby and I are fine. Heartbeat was 140 bpm. Baby is upside-down now and all ready to drop and come out. They latest she'll let me go is April 7th. Boy, I hope it doesn't go that long!!! I want a March baby. They did a strep-b test, but I don't know the results yet. Also, I lost a pound.
~March 7 Well I got off work an hour early today to go to the dr. office. My blood pressure was fine, but my ankles were really swollen. I had gained 5 and a half pounds in 2 days and was leaking fetal protein. She put me on complete bedrest except to use the bathroom and get something to eat. I also have to pee in a jar for 24 hours and go back friday morning. They also drew blood. I am positive for Strep-B so they'll hook me up to an IV during labor. No problem. (Yeah...before I knew what a pain in the arse an IV was.)
~March 9 Said I still can't go to work. I really need the money so that's a bad thing. She said the baby sounds fine and when the test results came in she said she'd let me slide. Not sure what that meant. I lost 2 pounds and the swelling was down considerably. Dr. said she won't let me go past my due date, which is good.
~March 12 Dr. visit was fine. Said baby sounded healthy. She is still watching me though. The urine sample said I was still leaking protein, enough that the insurance company won't freak out if she induces me. She is seeing me twice a week now and I have to go to the hospital twice a week for non-stress test on the baby where they listen to the heart for 20 minutes and I click this little button when I feel it move. Non-stress went great!
~March 16 We had to wake the baby up for the NST. I drank a glass of orange juice and that got it kickin'. Was having mild contractions.
Had 5 stress tests all-together. Next few entries were about being dilated...so we'll go straight to the good part :)
~March 29 At hospital 6 am to start induction. 1 1/2 cm on arrival. They had to give me the pill 2 times to induce. Didn't work, but started hard contractions at 2 pm. At midnight, they gave me an epidural (didn't want one). The lady did it wrong and it came out. (It only numbed half of my body for about an hour. No one believed me that it came out...was NOT fun.) At 7 am on the 30th they decided to give me a second epidural instead of a c-section because I had only dilated to 4 cm. The lady could not get the second one in, after 4 or 5 tries, so another doctor did it. (That spawn-of-Satan took an HOUR to try with those 4 or 5 causing the hardest contractions OMG pain. Sean was holding me and singing...his legs went numb.) I had immediate relief. In the hour it took to put it in though I dilated to 9 3/4 cm and was all ready to go. At 8 I started pushing, painlessly and he, Isaac Miguel was born at 9:10 am on March 30, 2001. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 20 inches long.

I see I left out the part about them putting a heart monitor into his head. Yeah...into. Like, they screwed it into his tiny scalp. While I was pushing it came out and they had to put another one in. I had so many wires coming out of me...it was insane!
We didn't know what he would be until he popped out. I knew that I really didn't want a boy - I had no experience with them. But, when she said it was a boy I let out this huge breath of air, that I realized I'd been holding until that moment, and cried with joy. He was here, he was my boy and Sean and I were in immediate love with him. Now that he's 7 I realize I was probably just delirious.

Journey to Motherhood: Part 1

There are a few women that I 'read' on a daily basis who are living lives of joy and sorrow in the motherhood department. I'm very happy for Veronica, who is newly preggers and I share in the feelings of Lotus who is still reeling from loss.
So...I have been inspired to share something that I found when we moved into our new place. When Sean and I decided to try having children I began a 'journal' type notebook in my purse. I wrote down my 'cycle' and documented the pregnancies.

Something most of you don't know about me is that I have 2 lovely children - but I have been pregnant 3 times. Lets begin there.

~Confirmed pregnant on Feb. 14th. Gave Sean positive test as Valentine's day present. Appointment March 17th with doctor to do paperwork and have first exam.
~March 14th night, begin having cramps, not bad though.
~March 15th day, 1:00 (about) lost 2 black clots about the size of a quarter. Later felt something come out about 2-3 inches long and solid. Bled heavy and steady for rest of night.
~March 16th, bled all morning, not as heavy. At 12:10 lost a clot with possibly some purple-ish tissue. Bled all day.
~March 17th still cramping and bleeding. Dr. put confirmed miscarraige, drove (to different town) where I had internal and external sonogram to see if it was complete. Was. No DNC.
Dr. put me on birth-control pills for 2 months. Stop end of 2nd. By endof 3rd, start trying again.
~March 29th still bleeding, but pain is gone. Dr. had me on 600 mg of Ibuprofin, 3x a day. Bleeding isn't heavy though.
~April 30th Hate the pills. Can't ever remember to take them. Have decided not to take them anymore

From May 1st to June 25th I charted my cycle with little sad faces. Though this 'diary' of events seems somewhat clinical - it was the only thing keeping me sane. What is not listed on here is what happened on the 15th when I went home from work early knowing I was losing the baby that Sean and I already cherished and feeling like it was my fault for having such a physically demanding job (housekeeper for a hotel). I never wrote about calling Sean as soon as I got home and asking him to come home so I could talk to him - or of us sitting on the couch and me choking back sobs as I told him that I'd lost the baby. I will never forget the look in his eyes. Pain and disappointment (but definately no blame)...a little grief.
I also never mentioned that this was only days before our 1 year anniversary.

When we found out we were pregnant we called Sean's family. His younger sister (my age) was pregnant with the 1st grandchild and his mother was pregnant with the last of his brothers. His mother and I shared a due date in October - his sister was due in July.
When sil's baby was born - the 4 hour drive to see them was painful. I knew that I would have to hear about the joys of the first grandchild and see a new mom holding her infant. I wanted to be supportive...but I wanted to die. I knew that I would see his mom's expanding tummy and that she and I should be lovingly competing over belly size.
I did have to deal with sil adding a middle name to her new baby boy - one that Sean and I had intended to use for our own son (and did anyway, lol)...I still think it was because she felt like we lost 'right' to the name, or that she was just trying to rub it in that she was first. Sad thing is - its the Spanish form of Sean's middle name. Geeez.
I was NOT happy.

That is the end of the first child's story with me, but I have comfort in the fact that I AM a mother of 3 beautiful children - I'm just blessed that one is growing up with God, and now my father. Isaac, and Lylli though she doesn't understand, know about mommy's other baby and are excited that they will get to meet he/she someday.

Something to end on: After my miscarraige my mother had a dream. She was at a grocery store buying baby items and had reached the checkout line. Formula and diapers were thrown into the bag and topped off with 3 items - baby sweaters. The colors are the most amazing thing: The first was black, the second blue, and the third was yellow. I KNEW in that moment that I would hold a baby in my arms - that I would have a boy...and then I would be surprised. I had hope...a hope and comfort that could only come from God, and I am so grateful that he thought of me in my despair and gave me peace.