Pen/Paper Neurosis

I use to write...all. the. time. I realized today, after watching my second movie where the female lead is a journalist, that I haven't opened Microsoft Word in so long its not even in my start menu anymore. So I searched for it...and had a brief moment where I couldn't even remember what it was called. Explorer Office? Windows Office? That is so sad.


So, I'm starting a writing hour everday. An hour where I sit down in front of my computer, in front of Microsoft Word and just write. About my day, about my feelings, about the kids - just whatever comes into my head. Then, every other day or so I will switch it all to my flash drive and walk across the street so I can upload it to the internet to bore all of you with my ramblings. Perhaps there may even be something entertaining every once in a while.


And, I bought a notebook today. A beautiful, green, recycled, 3 subject, college ruled, spiral bound notebook. With sharp, dark blue lines and stark white spaces. I can not wait to fill it up.
Which brings me to something that Jenn and I were talking about yesterday. Well, laughed about actually...like hyenas...because I'm neurotic...and there is nothing funnier than me and my neurotic tendencies.


I am a collector. Not of normal things like stamps or baseball cards, although I did try collecting those things at one time. I collect paper and pens. My whole left side of my desk, that's three drawers, are FULL of notebooks, most of them only half full...and one blank piece of paper with bars intended for music notes (one of about 10 sheets that I stole from my sister when I was a kid because it was so cool).Notebooks from college, notebooks of stories that I have been working on since high school - even one notebook from jr. high full of poems about a guy I liked that liked my best friend and broke my heart after we had our first 'date' and he asked me if I would set him up with previously mentioned best friend.....


Ahem.


But, I won't just settle for any paper. I have my standards. It must be spiral bound with dark blue lines and college ruled. I don't care what the outside looks like, although I will buy a green cover over red any day, but it must meet those specifications. I would even go so far as to say this: It could have a photo of Scotland and Gerard Butler, naked, on the cover and I wouldn't buy it if it were wide rule. Why not? Because when I buy a notebook I intend to write in it and nothing inspires me more than having narrow spaces and crisp blue lines that will contrast beautifully with the ink from my pen.


Ah...pens. *sigh* Pens are my friend - yet, here we go with the standards again. It must flow smoothly, NO gel-ink pens - that scratchy gel "ink" can go to hell. It can't be very fat and fine line is always best. I like the soft finger pad things...but too squishy is not for me. I must write with it before I buy (or steal, if its at a bank) it. As with paper, when I acquire it I intend to use it and when I find a pen I love I will use it until the ink runs dry.


So, using my favorite pen, I will embark on a new journey with my new green notebook.I'll fill it with lists of things I want to accomplish in life, things I'd like to buy, things I need to do. I'll fill it with story ideas and perhaps even 'articles'. I'm sure that when its half full I will put it away like all the others and someday I'll open it and see parts of myself that are long forgotten, stories I no longer feel, and lists of things I still haven't done or bought - and I will smile. BUT it will inspire me and I'll turn to a new page and begin again.


(The old notebook from school. I also loved ABBA :))

54 Things - and counting

Got my inspiration from this guy.

1. My dream car is a red Mini Cooper with the Royal Standard of Scotland (flag) on top.
2. I wish I were a famous photographer.
3. My second passion is architecture.
4. I collect pens/paper.
5. I dream in color, can feel and smell things, and wonder if they were real once I've woken up.
6. However, I can rarely read things in my dreams and I wake up if I try.
7. I think my fictional world is real.
8. I have fallen in love with characters in movies.
9. Men in kid's shows are my weakness: Half of the Imagination Movers (though I could add one because of his amazing voice) Steve from Blue's Clues, etc.
10. I trust the Bible.
11. I can't swim.
12. You wouldn't have to pay me anything to kiss Gerard Butler, Dwayne Johnson (the Rock), or Robert Downey Jr.
13. I do not 'feel' like a fat person and I think that is why I have such an issue with it. I'm fine until I get a glimpse of my reflection..and it shocks me every time.
14. I hate being tickled.
15. I do feel as though Eilidh (a fictional character I created for myself when I was a child) lives inside me. She is who I strive to be.
16. I would prefer to live in the SCA and visit reality on the weekends.
17. Looking up at the stars on a clear night in the middle of nowhere gets me every time.
18. I no longer trust the news - Journalists are no longer biased. Period.
19. We all wear masks.
20. A pink elephant lives in my living room and I can't wait for the day when someone walks in, sees it, and laughs because they get it.
21. Robin Laing (Scottish folk singer) is my energy.
22. I have a serious addiction to guys with facial hair (well groomed, not long crazy beards).
23. I have a serious addiction to guys who are intelligent.
24. I had a serious aversion to lettuce for most of my life.
25. I miss a friend who changed my life - and how I saw myself. (Not anymore...got him back :) )
26. I get possessive over characters in my favorite books - and I will not read the things other people say (because I don't like to share, lol).
27. I live for museums.
28. I am a deep person - but I believe no one really knows that about me.
29. I fear that there is no one on this Earth that really knows me - including myself.
30. Most of the time I'm quiet because I don't want to look stupid.
31. Other times I'm quiet because I hate confrontation.
32. I hold things in until I explode.
33. I no long have the ability to hide my emotions - and I miss it.
34. When I was young people use to tell me I was 'old' for my age - I wish I still heard that.
35. What I long for the most - I know I will never have....and I choose not to think about it because it only hurts when I do. (and it can not be bought)
36. A complete stranger once took my photo in a Lowe's. I wish often that I could see it.
37. I wish I had the nerve to take photos of strangers in Lowe's :).
38. I do not believe in stem cell research.
39. Music makes me soar.
40. I love to sing.
41. I 'lived' at a theme park as a child. (Shepherd of the Hills, Branson, MO)
42. It takes a while to get to know me.
43. I am often quiet because I'm watching...and in watching I learn more about people than they realize.
44. I have super hearing - lately I don't want it.
45. I'm addicted to The Sims - because I get to design buildings...and furnish rooms.
46. I would prefer to be told the truth at all times and confronted when necessary.
47. I will not associate with fakers.
48. I don't trust skinny guys.
49. I love being a mother - but I feel so out of my league.
50. Friends are the most important part of our existence.
51. When I admire someone I try too hard to impress them - because I want them to like me too.