I'm a blog slacker :)

Ok..so maybe someone really does read this every now and then :). I promise to do better.

Had some sad news tonight...I'm not really sure what it means for me as far as the next few months go. My mother was diagnosed with lupus earlier this year. They believe she's had it for a while (her sister did as well) and they were only able to detect it once they took her off of prednisone...which she has been on practically her whole life. Anway, she went in for some tests today and a biopsy. Her leg has been hurting her for some time...all the symptoms of a clot without the clot...and she's had good days and bad. Its also easier for her to pull a muscle than it is for the rest of us. Anyway, they scanned her today as part of the test and discovered that she has Lupus Myositis...it attacks the muscles and nerves. That explains a lot. The biopsy they had scheduled for today was cancelled. So, she went from having a small incision in her thigh so they could remove 4 hunks of muscle to needing neurosurgery so they can make a large incision and really get in there deep. She will need to be under anasteshia (spelled that wrong, I know)...which worries me. When my father went in for a biopsy where he was under "that stuff" he nearly died when they tried to bring him out. She has problems with it also.

For those that don't know, I lost my daddy 3 years ago, last February 9th, to lung disease and pulmonary hypertension.

I cried...my mother and I may not get along, heck she infuriates me most of the time...but I can't bear to lose her. A person needs a parent...when depression sets in, when the marriage isn't going like you'd expected, when the kids are driving you nuts...

When I lost my daddy it threw me into a 3 year long depression that I am only now beginning to crawl out of...I don't want to go back there. Honestly, I'm not trying to be selfish. My mother has suffered with illness of various natures (chronic ones) and "morbid" obesity her whole life. Now she has lost 100 pounds since getting off prednisone and was able to walk for longer periods of time, get out and enjoy herself...she actually has gone to the movies. (I was 25 before I ever got to see a movie with my mother.) I'm angry..I guess. How much does one person have to go through? and yet...I know that all things happen for a reason.

I'd like to be there with her tonight...but can't because we are so far away...the kids are in school...Isaac just started football...but if things continue I may be moving back to Kansas for a while to help her out, sans my hubby.

Please keep my mother and I in your prayers. I need strength and mental fortitude and the courage to do what I need to do...and my mother just needs a healing.