Friday, January 11, 2008

My Mom (pt. 2)

By the time I was a teenager things were really out of control between us. I was a hard-core daddy's girl and the habit of resenting my mother was too strong to break. I was reaching the point where rebellion was truly beginning to take hold - I feel it was only because I was used to her not believing me or IN me. I knew I was getting older and she couldn't really control me anymore. So...we fought constantly. And...I drove her to points of rage. She would intend to spank me and end up backing me into a corner and smacking the tar out of me. I used to hate her for that too...but not any more. I had a mouth on me...and I knew that the 9 year old in this house pushes me to the point on some days that I'd like to smack I can only imagine. Add in the fact that she had no help for the depression I believe she suffered from....some days I'm surprised it wasn't worse than it was.

I moved out as soon as I could and only saw her when it was necessary.

After Sean and I got married we lived with them in Missouri before we all moved to Kansas. It was back to days of her interfeering, us arguing and that horrible feeling that I was definately going to hell if I did not go to church every Sunday and Wednesday night.

When my father was dying she and I came together. We were the only ones who were there every day to take care of him. We were the ones that talked to the doctor and had to here that he would not be getting better. We were the ones who never got to say goodbye while he was on this Earth because we felt that if we did he would know it was the end and give up. I stood by her, and she by me, when his side of the family shunned us at the funeral home.

However, I was angry during that time. Angry that God had taken my best friend before he took my mom...angry that such a great man had to die...angry that I was being left alone with her. That is when the depression hit me full on. time has passed and she lived with us, moved out..began living on her own and dealing with changed sickness I feel that we have gotten closer. Yes she can still bug the pants off me...but I think we both see each other differently now. Things are not perfect and unfortunately we can not get back the time that was lost...but we love each other in a way that only we can.

Some things I didn't mention about her:

  • My mom is a devout and wonderful Christian. She was a teacher in the church when I was growing up and was loved by all her students.

  • She had a heart for helping people. Whether this was good or bad...I'm not sure :) I think I'll have to make a post sometime soon solely devoted to the kinds of people I've known in my life. Perhaps that is why I'm so open and accepting to all kinds of

  • She pinched my leg in church if I didn't pay attention...but I'm glad she did.

  • She taught me about respecting my elders.

  • She was once a great seamstress...even making costumes for a company. Now she's not able to really do it anymore.

  • She is most certainly not a pack-rat like my dad and I.

  • Her father was a builder, mortician and, most importantly, a West Virginia coal miner.

  • She has a SERIOUS southern accent :).

  • She would wake my sister and brother up by singing to them...and she could NOT sing. She can now but doesn't think she can. She would also douse them with water if they just refused to get up that day. She would sing the French National Anthem.

  • For all of her insecurities she is a wonderful public speaker. Daddy :)


Bri said...

Isn't it funny that the things that made us hate them when we were kids are the things we respect about them as adults? Great entry.