Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Admission - Its Time

Ok, everyone. I've had enough. Enough of telling myself things I don't need to hear. Enough of others telling me things that are true - but the truth is painful. Enough of sitting on my arse, knowing that there is so much more I need to do.

I've had enough of the hiding behind a computer screen.

A friend (on flickr, HI TRISH :)) and I were talking a few weeks ago about wanting to get back into taking photos again - mainly self-portraits. I just got so sick of seeing my photos change...for the worse...that I stopped entirely there for a while. I had planned twice, TWICE, for my 365 photos to reflect me getting smaller and both times I failed. Miserably. For example:

Me starting out -


Me now -
Day 253 - 10/25/2008

Yeah...the double chin? Definately larger. The distance from ear to ear? Definately wider. NOT the way I wanted it....AT ALL.

Then, today I took my mother to the doctor and on the way home we had one of our usual fights. Which means I got to hear all the things that I SHOULD be doing and "Do you want to be that 1,000 lb man??" for the second time. All I could think was "OMG, do I really look THAT bad??".
And yes, I actually thought the double question marks. That's what years of using the computer has done to me. LOL.

So tonight I stopped by Wal-Mart and bought my FIRST scale. Yes, the first one that I, personally, have ever owned. I'll be honest - I bought the one with the highest weight limit on it...because I thought I needed to. For a year I would have sworn that I weighed about 350.

Turns out I only needed the one that was a step down. Now, my admission and partial reason for this post - it read 324.2. Yes - I'm quite large. I know...BUT its not as bad as I thought. Why am I admitting this to the world? Well, for one, I'm insane. 2 - I needed to.
Then, Sean and I were talking about it and I told him not to buy me the large soda I usually get. THEN I realized just how much soda I drink on a "good" day - 3 44oz sodas. That's 132 FREAKING OUNCES!!! Holy Crap, that's like a GALLON of SODA...A DAY.
And then I started crying.
And then I decided to write this post.

THEN I decided to create a weight-loss blog for me and my friend (friends, if anyone else would like to share the journey)...but I can't think of a name. SO, if you made it this far and can still think after all the yelling I've done in this post, I'd like your help. Please, I'm begging you, help me think of a name. Just leave it in the comment - I will love your forever, lol.
So far I've thought of: Reaching Higher and Stepping Up...but I want to hear your ideas.

Do I need to grovel? Cuz I totally would :).


My Life My Life My Life said...

Well I dont have any names but you most definetly have my support...hmmmmm I guess that's really not supporting is it??? :-)

In any case I underderstand and feel your pain in the starting and planning and goals but never really succeeding. I HAD planned on 2009 being THE year for me to be all that I can be but I thought 'why wait???' so I'm on that again. It's not really about the wieght I NEED to lose but the stress the wieght brings to my life and my health...THAT I need to leave behind.

Good luck lady.