Thursday, December 13, 2007

Wednesday-Thursday at mom's

I found the notebook and was correct that nothing happened on

Wednesday -
It was uneventful until that evening and my husband called. Do you remember that he and I had a great conversation before I left? Yeah, got shot to hell quickly. Apparently, the person I thought was my best friend and I could tell anything too, decided that something needed to be said. She told her husband that I had said I was tired of watching their kids and that if Sean didn't have us a house by January I was taking the kids and moving back to Kansas.
First of all, I never said I didn't want to watch the kids anymore. Yes, I am tired, but I have been very good to say nothing of the sort. I did say that there needed to be some changes and I wanted to get a job and move into our own house in January. That did not mean the kids. I was talking about my marraige and my life here in Missouri. I had said that I was at a crossroads. Now that I think about it, its more like standing water in the backyard swimming pool that's breading mosquitos so they can suck your life away. I am standing in that pool and I'm allowing them to suck my blood. I need to move, I need to get out of the pool.
As for the moving to Kansas thing - I did say that. I said that to my best friend because I needed to vent and I needed someone to listen. However, it was only a last ditch thing. Only if nothing else worked because I can not stay in this life much longer. I was not ready to talk to my husband about it and I was certainly not ready to talk about it from 5 hours away where it was impossible of having a deep conversation. I had not meant it as giving him a deadline...I was merely giving myself one.
I kept going over it later. She could have said so many things. If she was worried about getting daycare and explaining to her husband why they would be spending more money in a given week she could have just said "we need to get daycare because Kendra is wanting to move out around January and she really wants to get a job'. End of story.
I also realized that this would not have happened if I had told him everything about my how I feel when we had our talk. I should have just gotten it all out. I just get so afraid. I'm afraid of anger and sarcasm. I'm afraid of what it does to me emotionally and physically.
Oh...and Jenn had wrecked her van again. She hit a deer and it is sitting in the shop still as I type this.
Thursday -
That morning I took some ibuprofin to alleviate some pain. It only caused more. Last month I discovered that the whole "ibuprofin will eat your stomach lining' thing is officially true with me. It has given me acid reflux. My mother has it and after talking to her about what was going on, we figured it out. So I was in stomach pain and it was snowing outside. Great big flakes.
In the span of 5 minutes I watched two people slam into the back of the car in front of them. But, with being a small town, the driver would get out, look at the back of his car, laugh and wave, then drive off. It was surreal.

Snowy view

That blue truck in the photo on the street?..that is where the wrecks were happening. There is a stoplight at that corner.