Saturday, January 5, 2008

I'm convinced...

...that when you go into Wal-Mart you lose all awareness of time and commen sense. You also lose the ability to say no.

I remember a time when I could go into Wally-World and not feel compelled to buy everything I saw. Then they put those stupid tvs up everywhere. I'm convinced those TV's are really mind-control machines that broadcast subliminal messages and mess with the time/space continuim.

I can go in there and grab what I need, with every intention of leaving as soon as I could find a register. But somewhere between the front door and the items I went in for (or usually about the time I pass the tv thats at the front of the store) I begin to act like a playful puppy surrounded by a million butterflies I need to chase...and on crack.
From that moment on I MUST go down every aisle. I MUST touch everything. I MUST stand there and decide what is the better bargain. Suddenly things that I want turn into things I need...and MUST have at that moment or all the air will be sucked out of the building and I will turn blue in the face and die. All because I did not snatch that carpet smelly-powder off the shelf.

(Yeah...I bought it. I don't look good blue...and c'mon, it was French Vanilla.)

To me it feels like I have all the time in the world. I rationalize that I've only been in there a few minutes and can go down that aisle of flip-flops.
I grab a few of my needs (ie, don't-needs) while I browse. I see their 2.97 pricetags. I know that if it said 3.00 I wouldn't get it because its too much money...but 2.97 is do-able.

Eventually, after I've sniffed out every last butterfly, I make my way to the front. I either find a 'can't wait to be out of here' employee or a 'pro-cheerleader...on crack' employee and wait for them to finish tallying up the total. Right before my eyes the $10.00 I was planning to spend has become $100.00. (Its amazing how all the 2.97's add up.) I'm still under the control of the tv's so I just pull out my cash or card and pay.

Then you get outside and the control wears off and it hits you that you now have $90.00 less than when you went in...and only one plastic bag full of junk. WTH?? are so tired from walking the 20 miles of the store floor that you just continue on to your car, go home and curl up in the middle of the floor. The next person to walk in the room just sees you, on the floor sucking your thumb, hugging a plastic bag containing carpet smelly-stuff, gum, cigarette lighters, picture frames, magazines....junk...and mumbling to yourself.

I'm convinced that I'll do it again. I'm convinced that I spend more money in that place than I make in a year. I'm convinced that Wal-Mart drives me insane.


tonya2hadassah said...

This ia one of the many reasons Willie will not shop at Wally-world. It is too bad that as a society we wouldn't pay a little more for the Mom and Pop store downtown. Rather we have to save a dollar and have the convenience of everything in one place. Progress!

Indada said...

LMAO OMG this post cracked me up.. because it is SOOO me... only I usually have to lie on the floor until I can muster the strength to continue on with life, because no one comes home to rescue me LOL

Bri said...

Bwahahaha! That's me, too! At least you know that you are not alone in the madness.

Melissa said...

THIS is a GREAT post!!! :D