...Where I finally talk about my 'spare tire'...

Today...could have been better. I got to sleep in (which, I'll admit, was nice) but woke up to a nearly empty house. Jenn, Chad and their kids left. They did not wake me to say "hey, we're leaving and Ike's awake...just wanted to let you know that there wasn't going to be anyone out here in case he set himself on fire or stuck his finger in a light-socket."
Nope...they were just gone. And...I ran out of cigarettes. And...I didn't have any caffeine. And...I was bored out of my MIND!!
Lylli decided she needs to continue with the screaming over every little thing. "I WANT SOME TOAST!!!" "I NEED MORE MILK!!" "I'M POOPING!!!" Get the idea?

When they finally got home "Psycho Wench" was back in full force and instead of saying anything, which I really don't have a right to say, I stayed in my room and watched television. Ok, maybe I did have some right since there was the oldest-child-alone thing, but he was in my room in the bed with me when I woke up and I'm pretty sure he was there when they left. I know how he is. Poor guy has seen enough of mommy laying in the bed that he's used to it...and I don't really have to worry about him doing things he shouldn't. Surprisingly he's a really good boy :).

Now, for the news you've all been waiting for....Wait, stop the drumroll...I need to tell a story first.
There is a guy, who I'll call L, that was a HS buddy of Sean and Chad. Before Sean and I moved here we were visiting Jenn and Chad and I got to meet L...and his OMG girlfriend.
Now, she is the kind that acts 10 years younger than she is (so lets say she acted 12). She talked constantly, and loudly, bragged about parties that she's been to and how much alcohol she can consume. She even showed us her engagement ring and diamond necklace/bracelet. Ok, that's not so bad, BUT she had to go into a lengthy thing about how much each piece cost and how L will be paying it off for the REST OF HIS LIFE!
The most annoying thing about her: When she talked to me she stared at my boobs. LIKE A MAN! I have NEVER wanted to slap a woman so much that I physically had to restrain myself by sitting on my hands and leaving the room frequently to smack the wall in the bathroom.
I am one of those people that I either like you or I don't. I will watch someone and wait. I get to know people and not make judgements...but if you act like SHE did from the beginning? I will, most likely, never talk to you again. Some people I have NO patience for.

Anyway, recently I saw a post about a woman naming her love handles. I thought it was genius and was telling Jenn about it (in the car where all of our crazy conversations happen) and said I should name my 'spare tire', a.k.a. fat roll placed horrendously in the center of my person, after L's (ex-)girlfriend. But, we could not remember her name.
Well, the other day Jenn was saying something about her and it flew out of her mouth. We whooped and hollered...and the two toddlers in the backseat looked at each other and did the finger-swirl-around-the-ear thing to say we are totally insane.

So...the name of my spare tire is...MARY. (sorry to any Mary's reading this...I'm sure I do not mean you. However, if I do...bwahahahahahahaha)
I see it this way, now I can hate that part of my body and instead of hating it in that 'you are a part of me so I'm completely hideous' way I can now hate it with a 'omg I have to get you off me and away from my boobs instantly' kind of way. Certainly gives me more reason to get rid of it now :).

(and now you know I'm completely insane...just like the toddlers do..lol)