Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Another Late Night

In all honesty I didn't think I'd care to post tonight. But, as it turns out, I'm waiting for my little girl to fall asleep. As its after midnight I can't help but think we are getting back into a bad routine. She and I both.
We slept in until noon today - something she has not done since we've moved in here. I'm also fighting the 'sleeping-all-the-time' feeling. I guess it looks like the depression is trying to rear its ugly head again.
And that scares me.
So far, this new place has seemed like our haven. I've kept it clean (the rooms I control anyway)...but little by little things are slipping away from me - like the laundry. I try to be good and work on it, then I get sucked into the internet or taking a nap and nothing gets completed. I feel like I'm constantly re-washing clothes that are left in the washer too long.
There is so much I want to do - but allow myself too much time to sit and make excuses.

And when I'm not online or napping, I'm daydreaming - which usually leaves me even more depressed than when I began. All of the things I dream about - photography studio, projects, the house I'd like to have built someday - just seem so impossibly far away. How do I expect to have any of that when there are 3 major medical bills staring me in the face? PLUS - the bankruptcy.

I constantly feel like the 'chicken or the egg' question is my entire life. I can't have this without doing that...but I can't do that without having this...know what I mean?