Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Ephiphany Part 2

The song ended and I emerged from my car with a smile on my face and puffy eyes.
I purchased my cigs and spotted the scratch off tickets. One was called Lucky I bought it. Once inside my car I scratched away and it revealed a winning number. My heart beat as I scratched off my prize...another ticket. The laughter bubbled over again.

I tucked it away in my visor and backed out of the stall...and realized I just wasn't ready to go back home. The glowing sign of Wal-Mart beckoned from next door. Their parking lot was nearly empty. Why not?

The light inside was bright and inviting. The store was quiet...and so was I. My mind, for the first time in forever, was quiet. No screaming children, nowhere else I needed to be...just me. I wasn't even thinking of me. I just was.Wal-Mart at 1 am is a peaceful oasis, people.

After 30 minutes I left $20 lighter, but my bag was full of gifts. An outfit for my daughter, shorts for my son and pants for the hubby. Things they needed, things they would not get otherwise...and I felt great. Once I got home I laid out my items so they would be easily found in the morning and I was proud of me. Proud of me for not thinking of me - for thinking of them...and I felt like less of a half-person.

Once I stopped wallowing I realized that perhaps, I'm just me. A good song, doing something for others, a winning ticket, time alone - its all I needed to see that maybe I'm better off for not having just one thing that defines me.
Of course I'm half at everything. Being whole at everything, being that girl in the movie, would require super-human abilities.I can not be perfect - instead I need to work on just being the best at everything that I can be...which is so do-able that I think I'm going to turn up the music and clean the house...well, at least pick up all the trash :). I'll check on the kids, I'll kiss the hubby and I'll snap a few photos. I'll just be me.