Sunday, November 1, 2009

Fessing Up

Wanna know why I've been gone?

Because my depression has come back with a vengeance. I didn't want this blog to be 'poor me'...but I didn't want to neglect it either.

Its been building for a while and has be incredibly worse the last few days. I can't seem to function and I feel like an empty shell. Even now, I don't want to get into it. I'm really lost right now and struggling.

I broke down tonight in front of my husband - who just stood there and stared at me until he finally interrupted me to say "I gotta use the bathroom" and walked off. I'll admit that knowing what to say would be hard for anyone. I'm sure he feels as helpless as I do just would have been nice to get a hug, you know?

Its everything...being broke, my weight, the house, the kids, the lack of work, no enthusiasm for anything at all. I've read more books in the last 2 weeks than I have all year and don't remember 9/10ths of what I read. I don't even know if they were 'good'.

However...I did laugh tonight. It wasn't big - but it existed. I was sad when it hit me that I think it was the first time I laughed honestly in a long time...but a teensy, tiny bit hopeful because I was able to do it at all.

If you pray, please pray for me. Its really bad this time.


Anonymous said...

Have you been taking pictures lately? I know photography seems to make you happy. Feel free to email me and I' give you a call. My email is
You are never alone.

Mackenzies Momma said...

Aww *virtual hugs* are about the best I can do for you from here. I know how hard it can be as I'm dreading the true onset of Fall/Winter here in the northwest and the blahs it seems to bring me.

If you need an ear you have my email and I'd be happy to listen :)

Marylin said...

Oh sweety, ((((huge hugs)))) I know what you're going through. Sending you lots of love and positive vibes. If I can get through it, SO CAN YOU. xxxx