Friday, January 1, 2010


At 4:22 this morning I considered strongly coming into the living room and blogging....because I was still kinda drunk...and it felt like I'd been kicked in the back and couldn't find a comfortable way to lay and HELLO I was awake at 4:22 am...and EVERYTHING I wanted to write seemed incredibly funny.

Now, its still kinda funny, but I don't think I have the nerve to write it anymore.

Which leads me to my next thought - I realized that this blog is kinda boring. I mean, I leave so much of 'me' out of it because, well...I'm kinda crazy. I tone it down because I don't know if there is family reading it...or GOD FORBID, my mother finds it - and Yes, that was a request to God to forbid it, I was not taking his name in vain for the heck of it.

What do I tone down? Well, I'm glad you asked. Not that I'm overly proud of it, but I kinda have a thing with foul language. I don't mind using *&^(*^% in place of actual letters, so that won't change. Also, I sometimes have the mind of a 12 year old boy where things like farts are being funny and I can turn just about everything someone says into something dirty. Seriously, if you ever meet me in person and I start giggling when your talking, but quickly stifle it? Yeah, I totally took something you just said to 12yo-Boysville. Also, sometimes I get into my typing and make absurdly funny typos: Like yesterday I was typing 'insight into the human psyche' and I typed 'insight into the hyman'...I snorted.

So, I want to tell you all about my NYE. I know I'll be judged and family will shake their heads and be ashamed of me...and yet, it was still MY NYE. You know? I lived it so why not tell about it. All I want for this year is to live honestly. Honest with myself, with others. To be the me that I've wanted to be...period. Besides, by telling you my NYE, you'll know how to pray for me, family :).

The day started out helping Jenn and Chad move their stuff to their new bedroom, which meant they were cleaning out their old bedroom so we could move back in. At one point there was an obscenely large couch wedged in the hallway, before it was drug outside and thrown onto the porch, where a small white plastic chair was also thrown, out of frustration and it hit the edge of the porch ceiling and shattered into many dangerously pointy pieces and I laughed like a lunatic. Important note: I did not do the throwing and no alcohol was involved at this point. Perhaps there should have been.
Around 7 we began to celebrate by firing up the Wii, gorging ourselves on little smokies and spray cheese from a can, and the creating of a new EVIL drink. This drink was called Red Dawn. I had 5 glasses of this Red Dawn. The math? 5 Red Dawns = 10 shots of Peach Schnapps, 5 Shots of Rum, 5 shots of Everclear (the really strong, illegal in 17 states version) and roughly 3.5 cans of Mt. Dew. OH MY GOSH!!!
First we were all surprised that something with Everclear could actually not make us want to rip our throats out. The guys have been drinking this stuff lately and Jenn and I just want to gag when we catch a whiff of it. Jenn had 4 of these bad boys.
I've never seen Jenn drunk - until last night.
I've never been THAT drunk in my LIFE!!
Our Wii games got progressively worse...and progressively funnier.
Wii Baseball is NOT my game - drunk or sober.
At 10:30 Jenn was ready to pass out and I was trying to convince her to eat. When she finally made it back from the kitchen she sat in the hallway on the stairs until her neice tried to help her walk..and then Sean made her laugh and she just collapsed. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing. Then something happened that would make this part infinitely funnier, but I can't tell you cuz Jenn would kill me
At 11 Jenn fell onto the bed and I realized I needed food or I'd never make it to midnight...and I needed to pee. Sean helped me into the bathroom because, seriously, I COULD NOT walk right.
I have no idea how long I was in the bathroom - I think I may have passed out a couple times while sitting on the toilet. At one point I nearly fell off because I was laughing too hard. In my defense, the toilet was making this noise when I moved that sounded like it was honking at me. Just imagine how funny that would be to a drunk girl...the toilet honking at her. Its even funny to me now.
Anyway, finally Chad jimmied the lock and Sean was able to come sit with me. We laughed about the toilet. Sometime after that I emerged from the bathroom and started crying about something Sean said. Something about going home and I was so disappointed that we wouldn't all be together when 'the ball dropped'. Also, I had no idea how I was going to walk home...which is right across the street.
I don't remember walking home.
Sometime around 4:22 this morning I considered getting up and blogging about all of this, but if I had it would NOT have been this tame. I swear.

I was always kinda jealous of people that could get so drunk that they were complete idiots or forgot frames of time...or even whole nights. Now? Not so much. While I'm not sitting here with the splitting headache that I expected, my back does hurt...and I've been in the bathroom much too much...not that you really wanted to know that. Never again will I drink 5 of those blasted drinks. ONE is my max. Period. Oh, and did I mention I was numb? I've heard people mention that before, but I thought it was a euphamism...its not. I was litterally numb and it was the strangest feeling ever.
So yes, it was fun and I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
Which brings me to a new resolution: Learn to laugh that hard while sober. Learn to let go a little when I'm sober. And Never, Ever drink that much again.

Why did I do it at all? Because I was saying goodbye to a horrible year. A year, nay a decade, of crap. I have high hopes for 2010 and the decade to come.

Happy New Year, everyone. Love your family, love yourself, laugh like lunatics, dance without music, perform random acts of kindness, honor others by giving them complete a life without regrets and remember that tomorrow is never a guarantee. Make 2010 beautiful.


Mackenzies Momma said...

Well that sounds...sort of like my night.

I put the little one to bed slipped off to hide out(because seriously dominoes is the absolutely most boring game ever) and do some end of the year work.

Came out around 11:30 woke up the little one and dragged her downstairs.

The folks broke out the champagne shortly thereafter and started pouring. I had 2 full glasses before/at midnight when dad mentioned that he wanted to finish the bottle. So he went out to do the firework thing and I poured the last half a glass(I thought).

He comes in and breaks out the SECOND BOTTLE. Lets just say...I think the last time I was even remotely that drunk was the first time I met my one true love Port.

Also I vaguely considered tweeting something but after an attempt to text my friend decided 2 aspirin and bed might be better.

Kendra said...


I posted a comment on facebook, but when I tried to login to Twitter I couldn't remember my password. It definately wasn't the password that I tried over 5 times for it to take, lol. Sean convinced me to just stop.