Sunday, August 3, 2008

Day after Day

Day after day...they merge into a week and before long the month is over. And what do you have to show for it? Nothing.

Obviously, I've been down lately. Some days the fight is harder than others and when you add extreme heat, headaches and breakdowns into it - well, its not any easier.

I decided to blog about Ike's breakdown that happened at Sean's final softball game. It started when I saw him push a kid down in the sand pit. I told him to come sit down beside me for a while. He argued and ran from me. Eventually I got him to sit down on the grass...but he kept moving from the spot I put him in. I tried to not let it get to me by watching the game and dealing with Lylli - I even tried to get a few pictures. At some point in that 3 minutes he felt a raindrop (they were extremely sporadic) and asked if he could go get his shoes. I told him yeah, but to come right back to his spot. A couple of minutes later and he had not come back.
I'm not totally sure how long it had was not long - 2 minutes is a stretch.
Anyway, I looked around and he was nowhere to be seen. I kinda freaked out. You see, Ike is always telling me he hates me or that he's going to run away and pretty much anything else he can think of to scare the crap out of me.
I asked H if he'd seen Ike and said that he had gone to the bathroom with Jenn's other son. I waited until P came back...and didn't see Ike. So I asked him and realized that Ike was now hiding under the bleachers. I brought him out of there and made him sit beside me on the bleachers. When I touched his arm he freaked out like I was squeezing him to death.
He kept scooting from bleacher to bleacher and the point was for him to just listen to me and sit where I told him to. Listening was the problem, get it?
Anyway, Jenn and I each took an arm at one point to move him closer to us and he freaked the f*** out. Jenn's boys were playing with a frisbee thing and I got up and stood in the middle while they through it over my head, trying to distract myself from Isaac. He freaked out again because he wanted to play. Lylli had to go pee so I started walking away with her and told him to just stay there and I'd be right back. The whole LONG way to the bathrooms I could hear Ike screaming behind me a variation of this:
"I Hate My MOTHER!!"
"MY MOTHER is the Worst Mom in the world!!!"
"I wanna Play!!"
And when I came back Sean was talking to him and he was sitting quietly on the bleacher, but people, I had enough. I escorted him and Lylli out to the van in the parking lot and tried to talk to him.

I got in the truck with Sean, while Jenn and Chad drove all the kids home, and cried the whole way. (even after their van broke down and Sean drove 90 trying to get home so he could get our van and go pick everyone up.) I didn't even realize he was going 90! I was that upset.

I'm at my wits end. Every day he wakes up and it seems like he's waiting for a reason to scream or have a sarcastic tone. Him hating me happens for many reasons: I don't let him pick the movie, I ask him to pick up his toys, I don't buy him the hundred dollar toy from Wal-Mart, I won't let him go to someone's house (for any reason). I have tried EVERYTHING...literally. Well, short of beating the crap out of him or leaving him in a box in the park, lol (chipmunk's reference).

If anyone has any good ideas I'd be happy to listen...otherwise, thanks for letting me vent. Please someone tell me this is a 5-7 year old thing and that he will grow out of it soon. He is such an amazing little boy when stuff like this isn't going on.


Marylin said...

Oh hon, (((huge hugs))) for you. I haven't got any pearls of wisdom to share, but I'm here for a shoulder if you need it, like you are for me.

Mia said...

I feel your pain. My Boy Child is almost 5. He has issues. He has such impulsive (and I mean in a split second with no prompting) wig outs that just leave you staring with your mouth hanging open. He tells me I'm ruining his life at least 5 times a day. I cry from total frustration at times too. Venting is good - very good - it will help keep you sane.