Ignorance and The Fool

So, tonight Sean and I were going to go see Hancock. My mother called about 4 to tell me she couldn't watch Lylli tonight. I thought, 'No big, we'll just take her with us.' I even told her all about the movie and got her excited and by 'excited' I mean I had to answer the "We're going to a superhero movie?" question a thousand times on the way to Springfield.
Since Sean and I had to drive seperate vehicles I told him to go get the tickets and Lylli and I would meet him at the restaraunt. When he finally got there he told me that there was a sign at the theater that said "Children under 7 will not be admitted to PG-13 (and above) movies after 5pm". WTH??
Shouldn't it be my right to not take my child to a PG-13 movie? And, when most adults work until 5, when else are they supposed to take their child to the movies? AND if you won't allow my child into the PG-13 movie why don't you show at least one child's movie after 4 pm??

So, we ate and headed on over to Toys R' Us to use Lylli's birthday card from Geoffrey the Giraffe. That trip would have been more exciting if they hadn't stuck the Star Wars stuff right at the entrance. Once Sean caught sight of it we were stuck there for a while. By the time we got to the Princess and Barbie aisle the store was closing :(. But, Lylli got a cute birthday balloon and crown and used her $3 off coupon for a Barbie purse and necklace set (Sean's idea).
In the car, as we were leaving, Lylli said it was the 'best birthday ever'. Gah, she is just so cute!

BTW, Lylli, my little Princess, will be 4 on the 13th. I can not believe that she is that old already. She amazes me every day. She is addicted to poop/fart jokes and loves to smack people's butts. Its like her greeting.

And now, for the second part of the title: I found this quote tonight and fell in love with it. Its my new mantra, lol.

“I must learn to love the fool in me - the one who feels too much, talks to much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laught and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
- From Love me, love my fool: Thoughts from a psychoanalyst’s notebook by Theodore Isaac Rubin

Extreme Heat

Since my last post I feel better, though my son's attitude seems to be getting worse. I look forward to, and yet dread, school starting. Ike's teachers have already said that he should have counseling this school year. He is kinda OCD about things and they (and I) am afraid its affecting his relationships. Other than that is his weird temper, brought on by frustration. I just have this vision of him telling a counselor that he hates me, that I'm horrible and mean...God only knows what else...and then them calling social services or something. I really just don't know what I should do. And, quite honestly, I don't want them telling me he needs medication. I'm on the fence about this - I've seen where it has helped kids, but that was one case out of many. (I was a childcare center director for 3 years) I've seen plenty.

In other news, our house has been unbearably hot. Its been in the high 90's here, but the interior of my personal breadbox has been hotter than the outside temps. Part of it was due to our AC not wanting to work all the time and the other part was our fault. When we put our furniture in we stuck everything on the outside walls, which meant that our couch covered one air vent. So, the other night my husband and I got ambitious and changed the whole living room area around - and NOW it finally feels like a living room. Now it feels like home :). I'd take a picture and upload it if my entire family wasn't in various sleeping positions in it, lol. I'll wait on that one.
Sunday, since it was so hot in the house, I took Lylli to see Wall-E. I thought it was okay, but Lylli proclaimed it was AWESOME! as we were leaving the theater. Its funny because I don't remember her watching a whole lot of it. Most of it was her pacing around in our empty aisle.

Honestly, though - it was so hot outside and in our house that I would have watched PeeWee's Playhouse...I was desperate for a cool place to sit for a few hours.

Day after Day

Day after day...they merge into a week and before long the month is over. And what do you have to show for it? Nothing.

Obviously, I've been down lately. Some days the fight is harder than others and when you add extreme heat, headaches and breakdowns into it - well, its not any easier.

I decided to blog about Ike's breakdown that happened at Sean's final softball game. It started when I saw him push a kid down in the sand pit. I told him to come sit down beside me for a while. He argued and ran from me. Eventually I got him to sit down on the grass...but he kept moving from the spot I put him in. I tried to not let it get to me by watching the game and dealing with Lylli - I even tried to get a few pictures. At some point in that 3 minutes he felt a raindrop (they were extremely sporadic) and asked if he could go get his shoes. I told him yeah, but to come right back to his spot. A couple of minutes later and he had not come back.
I'm not totally sure how long it had been...it was not long - 2 minutes is a stretch.
Anyway, I looked around and he was nowhere to be seen. I kinda freaked out. You see, Ike is always telling me he hates me or that he's going to run away and pretty much anything else he can think of to scare the crap out of me.
I asked H if he'd seen Ike and said that he had gone to the bathroom with Jenn's other son. I waited until P came back...and didn't see Ike. So I asked him and realized that Ike was now hiding under the bleachers. I brought him out of there and made him sit beside me on the bleachers. When I touched his arm he freaked out like I was squeezing him to death.
He kept scooting from bleacher to bleacher and the point was for him to just listen to me and sit where I told him to. Listening was the problem, get it?
Anyway, Jenn and I each took an arm at one point to move him closer to us and he freaked the f*** out. Jenn's boys were playing with a frisbee thing and I got up and stood in the middle while they through it over my head, trying to distract myself from Isaac. He freaked out again because he wanted to play. Lylli had to go pee so I started walking away with her and told him to just stay there and I'd be right back. The whole LONG way to the bathrooms I could hear Ike screaming behind me a variation of this:
"I Hate My MOTHER!!"
"MY MOTHER is the Worst Mom in the world!!!"
"I wanna Play!!"
And when I came back Sean was talking to him and he was sitting quietly on the bleacher, but people, I had enough. I escorted him and Lylli out to the van in the parking lot and tried to talk to him.

I got in the truck with Sean, while Jenn and Chad drove all the kids home, and cried the whole way. (even after their van broke down and Sean drove 90 trying to get home so he could get our van and go pick everyone up.) I didn't even realize he was going 90! I was that upset.

I'm at my wits end. Every day he wakes up and it seems like he's waiting for a reason to scream or have a sarcastic tone. Him hating me happens for many reasons: I don't let him pick the movie, I ask him to pick up his toys, I don't buy him the hundred dollar toy from Wal-Mart, I won't let him go to someone's house (for any reason). I have tried EVERYTHING...literally. Well, short of beating the crap out of him or leaving him in a box in the park, lol (chipmunk's reference).

If anyone has any good ideas I'd be happy to listen...otherwise, thanks for letting me vent. Please someone tell me this is a 5-7 year old thing and that he will grow out of it soon. He is such an amazing little boy when stuff like this isn't going on.

I've sat here for 10 minutes and still can't think of a title.

So, I gave up on it and decided to just post already, lol. Giving a post a clever title is harder than it looks.

I've got some photos from the ride, but first I have to tell you a story.

The other day I took my mom and kids to Wal-Mart. I had the intention of letting Isaac pick out a Hot Wheel's car so he can work on expanding the collection that his Papa started. We made our selection of 3 cars and met mom at the front. While waiting in line he started acting up: not listening, making his sister cry, etc. I took a car away.
The whole point of the cars was a reward and I had told him before we went in that if he was good he could have them. So, bad behavior: lose a car.
Then we changed lines because that one was just too dang long and my mom went to another one. From that point lets just say that things went from bad to worse. I can't remember what he did to lose the other two cars, most likely it was his mouth. Because I'm a good mom I kept them in my hand with the intention of buying them and putting them away to use as a reward some other time: he had picked them out after all.
Again, I can't remember what he did but it had something to do with squishing his sister into the cart and then saying something about hating his family. So, I put the cars among the candy and told him that I was not buying them at all.
Cue the screaming like a wild banshee.
The lady in front of me and the cashier joked with me about remembering those days and glad it was over. I, amazingly, kept pretty calm and joked back with them. Normally I'd give in just so he'd hush, but I'm just tired of the tantrums. He's 7 for crying out loud! Anyway, the crying went on for about 7 minutes and I stood by customer service and waited for my mom to get through her line. A little old lady approached us...here is the conversation that made my blood boil. Thing to note first: I have NEVER been rude to an older person...before this.

Old Woman: Can he have some gum, would that make him feel better?
Me: Uh, sure, if he wants some. That would be ok. (very nicely)
OW (to Ike): Do you want some gum?
Ike: screaming something that I knew meant 'I want my cars'.
OW: What? (looking at me like I've grown a second head)
Me: (still nicely) He wants his cars. I took them away because he wasn't behaving.
OW (to Ike): How old are you? Are you 5?
Isaac is still screaming, could care less about the conversation going on over his head.
Me: He's 7 (kinda sternly because I want her to get the point that he is too old to be acting like this and thinking that she'll say something like OMG 7 year old don't act like this, babies do.)
OW: 7? (with that OMG look) There must be something wrong with him then....
Me (in shock like no other): Yeah, I took his cars away because of his behavior. (saying it like I'm speaking to a child)
OW: (with utter contempt) Well, I'd give them back to him then...he's making a scene.
OK, internal convo from me: WTF did she just say???? Are you $hitting me? Oh no she didn't!
ME: He can make a scene all he wants. I'm not going to reward him for bad behavior.

At this point the lady was stammering something and I ignored her, she continued with offering gum (which I had to force Ike to take) and I noticed mom sitting there waiting so I just looked at her and asked "You ready to go?" She said yes and we just took off. That woman was still talking as I walked away.

Talk about going from 'ok with a situation' to pissed off in a heartbeat. Gah!!

Ok, now just so I can make this post as long as humanely possible I'm going to post a few pics. As always you can go to my flickr page to see them all :)


My favorite...Reginald :)



Ok, enough. This post is too long as it is, lol.

I'd appreciate any opinions on that Old Woman...and don't forget about voicing your opinion on the prize for my 1 Year Blogoversary (post below this one).

I Plurk

I found a new addiction. Seriously. Its like Twitter and IM all in one and its called Plurk. There are tons of people already on it - I feel like I'm probably the last one to hear about it.

I already had Twitter so I didn't sign up at first...I thought it would just be a waste of my time. I thought it'd be just another lame thing that I'd forget about in a few days. I was SO wrong.

Ok, if you wanna sign up for it you can use this link and instantly have me for a friend (I literally typed fiend...I'll accept that too :)).

I've had a great couple of days off - but I'm still feeling creatively challenged. I haven't photographed anything 'amazing' in a while and its eating me alive. I need to create something...DO something.
I'm just so consumed with watching kids and my MOM that I don't have time for anything else. And, the house is a wreck...constantly...so that doesn't help. I wish I just had an extra room that I could set up a studio in and lock the door when its not in use. That is on my wishlist.

Good news: Lylli pooped in the potty yesterday so I promised I'd buy her the new Barbie that she's been wanting for a while. When we got back to my mother's after our trip to Wal-Mart I noticed she was holding herself. (she won't pee in her diaper if her clothes are on) So I ran her in the house and sat her on mom's potty.....and she PEED!!! OMG you have no idea how huge this is! I think this may be easier than I thought it'd be - send good thoughts our way, ok?

I'm totally freaking out about my trip next month - I just hope it actually happens. I NEED it so bad and it sounds so much cooler than just having a week without kids - a condo, the beach, a Wii, a PS3 and a bunch of cool people (most of whom I've never met) that are my age. AND its somewhere I've never been before...and I'll get to ride the train to get there (something I've never done)...AND I'll have stops in Chicago and Washington. I'm STOKED...but trying to remain calm at the same time. Gahh!

In One Ear...Out The Other

Not Quite.

Other Title ideas: Different ER, Same Child, The Rarest Shell: The Earshell

See where this is going? Maybe this photo will help.


So, my son is in summer school and Jenn has to be at work by 2. I get a call from the school nurse at 1:20. She *tries* to tell me that my son has stuck a seashell in his ear...without laughing. She's hiding it well, but I can tell it in her voice. I know she's concerned...but c'mon people, this is kinda absurd. She said that he'd told her he "wanted to see if he put it in one ear, would it come out the other." That's when I started laughing. My son...is a dork, lol.
Jenn calls into work to tell them she'll be late, and I hear laughter when she tells them why.

So I pick him up and we head to the ER, and the whole drive there I'm trying to tell him how important it is that we not stick things in our ears.
Ike: What about for safe keeping?
Me: What? NO...that's why you have pockets...or even a box, I'll buy you a box for stuff like this. Just don't put things in your ear!

We get to the ER. I walk to the desk and tell them why I'm there - they laugh. Yeah, I know, just give me my paperwork so I can begin the long wait that you are famous for.
Obviously they got it out, with no real trouble. Isaac kinda freaked when he saw the forceps, they were shaped like scissors. On the way there he asked if they'd have to cut his ear off - you can see why this did not go over well.
I have to pick up ear drops tomorrow (just remembered them, d'oh!) and probably take Lylli to the doctor. She's had a fever for a couple of days and been sleeping a lot. No visible sign she's sick, like runny nose/cough...just the fever. I'm pretty worried about her.

My Kids: In A Nutshell

But trust me, they won't fit.

In an attempt to be more life-like with this blog, I will now attempt to describe my kids. They change from day to day...so by next week this could totally NOT be true in any way, but at least I tried.

Ike, 7:

• Has not enjoyed, or let me enjoy, a 4th of July since he was born. Last year was mild, giving me hope for this year. He hates loud noises.
• Is going through a 'hitting' phase that I just do not understand. If he's frustrated, he hits. If he's angry, he hits. If he's mildly displeased, he hits. Not me, thank God, but any kid his own age that is within reach.
• His first grade teacher thinks he may have OCD. All she said in his last two P/T conferences was that he's a perfectionist. He will even skip recess so he can finish writing a story just. right. He gets that from both parents - I just don't want it to affect his relationships.
• He whines and argues with me A LOT. Its driving me nuts.
• He can be incredibly sweet when he wants to be - he cares when people are hurt...unless he hurt them :).
• He is definately more of a follower than a leader - and that concerns me, especially with the world the way it is now. He tends to pick up the bad habits of others easily.
• He can make up songs and sing them 'on the fly'.
• He's incredibly smart. He got his Mad Math Skillz from his daddy.
• Can make one heck of a Lego ship.
• Is still in that wonderful stage that he won't go to bed without hugs and kisses.
• Tells me he hates me or I'm a bad mom when he gets in trouble.
• Still loves me at the end of the day.

Lylli, 3:

• Is hilarious.
• Spends the whole day watching the same movie over and over again - picking out her favorite lines/songs and 'acting' them out whenever possible.
• She is absolutely a little me - which scares me beyond all reason :).
• Has a Cabbage Patch doll named Demaris that she will NOT be without and treats it like her baby.
• Is still refusing to eat 90% of the time - which scares the hell out of me.
• Decided about 6 months ago that she did not want to take baths any more - I don't know what to do to help her not freak out. I'm at my wit's end.
• Still has BM problems so still wears diapers *GASP*. I know - get in line behind the other people in my life who think this is a major blemish on my role as parent.
• Freaks out daily because someone is looking/talking/touching her.
• Freaks out many times daily over SOMETHING that is apprently equal to the world ending.
• Has a one track mind and her conversation/freaking out will not change until the situation is remedied Her Way.
• Loves to cuddle/give kisses.
• Starting the "I'm gonna run from mom in the store" stage - its just not working for me.

I'm sure once I hit publish I'm going to think of a million more things - something crucial to their essence. They are so incredible, and multi-faceted that its impossible to list everything at one moment. Its hard to even take it all in each day.

They drive me crazy, and yet I could not breathe if they weren't with me.

(oh...and check out THIS Guy's Post...way better than mine, but still my inspiration for this post.)

Journey to Motherhood: Part 2

So at this point I will start with my July 31st 'diary' entry and spare you the details of my cycle, lol.

~July 31 Still no period this month. Buying test tomorrow. (Can you tell how excited I was?)
~August 2 Morning sickness? Nauseous and stomach pain. Missed most of work. Stopped around 12:30. Little twinges later. Very tired.
~August 3 Woke up with pain, like gas. Went away before I left for work. Felt like could be kidney infection. Got to work, empty painful feeling at waist. Not as bad as yesterday. No nausea at 8:10. Took pregnancy test - POSITIVE! Yay!!!
~August 4 Pain comes after I sleep. This morning wasn't so bad, but tonight, after sleeping for work. (I worked as a night auditor at the hotel at this point, so I slept during the day.) I just had to get up and spend the usual 30 minutes in the bathroom. I don't like this :( Nauseous at work, but no pain. (I had to set out breakfast and make coffee...the smell of coffee made me SO ill.)
~August 7 Made 1:30 appt. with new Dr. on 8/10 - Thursday. Initial pregnancy visit.
~August 10 8 weeks today!! Dr. is wonderful. They did a pap and exam. Took blood for lab, plus are checking my thyroid. She says my due date is March 22nd, isn't that a riot? Her b-day is 3/8 - can't forget. Appt. 9/11/00 @9 am
~Sept. 11 Sean and I went for 2nd Dr. visit. Heard wonderful sound - Heartbeat! I lost weight. Changed possible due date to March 30th. Next appt 10-10-00.
~October 11 Dr. couldn't get heartbeat so sent me to get sonogram. Said there is possibility I'm having twins. Saw very active beautiful baby. Had lost 3 pounds, but grew 9 cm. Says I'm too big for normal 16 6/7 week of pregnancy. Next Dr. visit Nov. 8. Gave me antibiotics for cold and little kidney thing. Declined AFP test.
~October 19 Went to see Dr. today for dizziness. Found out I'm allergic to penicillin (amoxycillan). Oops! Gave me meds for dizziness.
~November 8 Everything is fine. We heard the heartbeat, but the baby kept moving around. We are doing a sonogram on the 17th at 1:30 I can't wait. She said they'll look for a sex if we want them too. Yeah! Next appt Dec. 6. Gained 2 pounds. Urine fine.
~November 17 Well the sonogram showed one baby but it showed the sizes of the baby being 19w5days. That made the due date April 8th. I wish I knew for sure :). I'll just be happy whenever it gets here. It weighs .7 pounds and the heart rate was 142 bpm. Couldn't tell a sex, but we did see the baby w/ legs spread and on its back. I'm thinking girl. Really don't care which though. Someone else said that happened to her & it was a girl.
~December 6 Dr. said everything looked fine, but had to have sonogram on 12/07. They didn't tell me anything, but said doc would get results sometime this week. Heart rate was 160bpm. Good. I have to be tested for gestational diabetes on January ?...Sometime that first week. Hand numbness and pain in my side is nothing to worry about. Said baby is active! (Pain in side turned out to be Ike pinching my sciatic nerve - still have problems with that and the fact that he was active gave me little comfort. My mother had a stillborn birth from an 'active' baby getting the cord wrapped around its neck.)
~December 27 Baby was laying across my tummy so they don't know what the sex is. Said everything is looking great with both of us. I gained 12 pounds since last visit. Only gained 17 pounds for whole pregnancy which is healthy she says. Said I need to get a tour of the hospital set up. Wants me to come in Jan. 5 for glucose test for gestational diabetes.
~January 5 Took horrible test. Took blood, drank diet coke tasting stuff and hour later had blood drawn again from same place, OUCH! Called me- said everything came back normal. Yay!!!
~January 24 Everything was fine w/baby. Nothing new.
~February 7 Just got over flu. Blood pressure was 124/90. Up just a little but they were not worried. Baby's heartbeat was 144 bpm. Doc told me I could take Mylanta gas relief (geeez, now you all know I was gassy!) for heartburn. Hearing the healthy heartbeat was absolutely wonderful!
~February 21 Everything sounds great. She says I'm 35 weeks now and when I come in next week they are going to do the pelvic exam. I have gained 31 pounds this pregnancy. Says I'm doing really good.
~March 2 Even after the fall yesterday the baby and I are fine. Heartbeat was 140 bpm. Baby is upside-down now and all ready to drop and come out. They latest she'll let me go is April 7th. Boy, I hope it doesn't go that long!!! I want a March baby. They did a strep-b test, but I don't know the results yet. Also, I lost a pound.
~March 7 Well I got off work an hour early today to go to the dr. office. My blood pressure was fine, but my ankles were really swollen. I had gained 5 and a half pounds in 2 days and was leaking fetal protein. She put me on complete bedrest except to use the bathroom and get something to eat. I also have to pee in a jar for 24 hours and go back friday morning. They also drew blood. I am positive for Strep-B so they'll hook me up to an IV during labor. No problem. (Yeah...before I knew what a pain in the arse an IV was.)
~March 9 Said I still can't go to work. I really need the money so that's a bad thing. She said the baby sounds fine and when the test results came in she said she'd let me slide. Not sure what that meant. I lost 2 pounds and the swelling was down considerably. Dr. said she won't let me go past my due date, which is good.
~March 12 Dr. visit was fine. Said baby sounded healthy. She is still watching me though. The urine sample said I was still leaking protein, enough that the insurance company won't freak out if she induces me. She is seeing me twice a week now and I have to go to the hospital twice a week for non-stress test on the baby where they listen to the heart for 20 minutes and I click this little button when I feel it move. Non-stress went great!
~March 16 We had to wake the baby up for the NST. I drank a glass of orange juice and that got it kickin'. Was having mild contractions.
Had 5 stress tests all-together. Next few entries were about being dilated...so we'll go straight to the good part :)
~March 29 At hospital 6 am to start induction. 1 1/2 cm on arrival. They had to give me the pill 2 times to induce. Didn't work, but started hard contractions at 2 pm. At midnight, they gave me an epidural (didn't want one). The lady did it wrong and it came out. (It only numbed half of my body for about an hour. No one believed me that it came out...was NOT fun.) At 7 am on the 30th they decided to give me a second epidural instead of a c-section because I had only dilated to 4 cm. The lady could not get the second one in, after 4 or 5 tries, so another doctor did it. (That spawn-of-Satan took an HOUR to try with those 4 or 5 causing the hardest contractions OMG pain. Sean was holding me and singing...his legs went numb.) I had immediate relief. In the hour it took to put it in though I dilated to 9 3/4 cm and was all ready to go. At 8 I started pushing, painlessly and he, Isaac Miguel was born at 9:10 am on March 30, 2001. He weighed 6lbs 13oz and was 20 inches long.

I see I left out the part about them putting a heart monitor into his head. Yeah...into. Like, they screwed it into his tiny scalp. While I was pushing it came out and they had to put another one in. I had so many wires coming out of me...it was insane!
We didn't know what he would be until he popped out. I knew that I really didn't want a boy - I had no experience with them. But, when she said it was a boy I let out this huge breath of air, that I realized I'd been holding until that moment, and cried with joy. He was here, he was my boy and Sean and I were in immediate love with him. Now that he's 7 I realize I was probably just delirious.

Journey to Motherhood: Part 1

There are a few women that I 'read' on a daily basis who are living lives of joy and sorrow in the motherhood department. I'm very happy for Veronica, who is newly preggers and I share in the feelings of Lotus who is still reeling from loss.
So...I have been inspired to share something that I found when we moved into our new place. When Sean and I decided to try having children I began a 'journal' type notebook in my purse. I wrote down my 'cycle' and documented the pregnancies.

Something most of you don't know about me is that I have 2 lovely children - but I have been pregnant 3 times. Lets begin there.

~Confirmed pregnant on Feb. 14th. Gave Sean positive test as Valentine's day present. Appointment March 17th with doctor to do paperwork and have first exam.
~March 14th night, begin having cramps, not bad though.
~March 15th day, 1:00 (about) lost 2 black clots about the size of a quarter. Later felt something come out about 2-3 inches long and solid. Bled heavy and steady for rest of night.
~March 16th, bled all morning, not as heavy. At 12:10 lost a clot with possibly some purple-ish tissue. Bled all day.
~March 17th still cramping and bleeding. Dr. put confirmed miscarraige, drove (to different town) where I had internal and external sonogram to see if it was complete. Was. No DNC.
Dr. put me on birth-control pills for 2 months. Stop end of 2nd. By endof 3rd, start trying again.
~March 29th still bleeding, but pain is gone. Dr. had me on 600 mg of Ibuprofin, 3x a day. Bleeding isn't heavy though.
~April 30th Hate the pills. Can't ever remember to take them. Have decided not to take them anymore

From May 1st to June 25th I charted my cycle with little sad faces. Though this 'diary' of events seems somewhat clinical - it was the only thing keeping me sane. What is not listed on here is what happened on the 15th when I went home from work early knowing I was losing the baby that Sean and I already cherished and feeling like it was my fault for having such a physically demanding job (housekeeper for a hotel). I never wrote about calling Sean as soon as I got home and asking him to come home so I could talk to him - or of us sitting on the couch and me choking back sobs as I told him that I'd lost the baby. I will never forget the look in his eyes. Pain and disappointment (but definately no blame)...a little grief.
I also never mentioned that this was only days before our 1 year anniversary.

When we found out we were pregnant we called Sean's family. His younger sister (my age) was pregnant with the 1st grandchild and his mother was pregnant with the last of his brothers. His mother and I shared a due date in October - his sister was due in July.
When sil's baby was born - the 4 hour drive to see them was painful. I knew that I would have to hear about the joys of the first grandchild and see a new mom holding her infant. I wanted to be supportive...but I wanted to die. I knew that I would see his mom's expanding tummy and that she and I should be lovingly competing over belly size.
I did have to deal with sil adding a middle name to her new baby boy - one that Sean and I had intended to use for our own son (and did anyway, lol)...I still think it was because she felt like we lost 'right' to the name, or that she was just trying to rub it in that she was first. Sad thing is - its the Spanish form of Sean's middle name. Geeez.
I was NOT happy.

That is the end of the first child's story with me, but I have comfort in the fact that I AM a mother of 3 beautiful children - I'm just blessed that one is growing up with God, and now my father. Isaac, and Lylli though she doesn't understand, know about mommy's other baby and are excited that they will get to meet he/she someday.

Something to end on: After my miscarraige my mother had a dream. She was at a grocery store buying baby items and had reached the checkout line. Formula and diapers were thrown into the bag and topped off with 3 items - baby sweaters. The colors are the most amazing thing: The first was black, the second blue, and the third was yellow. I KNEW in that moment that I would hold a baby in my arms - that I would have a boy...and then I would be surprised. I had hope...a hope and comfort that could only come from God, and I am so grateful that he thought of me in my despair and gave me peace.

Double Super-Sonic Speed {Part 1}

Instead of explaining the title right away I'm gonna tell you about my weekend...as I experienced it. You'll (hopefully) realize that it has two meanings.

It was planned that I would take the kids down to my brother's house on Friday night - but you know that 'feeling' that something isn't going to go right can nag you? Yeah, well, Friday morning my SIL e-mailed me to tell me that one of the girls was sick but if she was feeling better that night then I could bring my two down on Saturday. So, Sean and I took the kids out to eat (for my birthday) at Olive Garden (YUMM!!). Great night.

Saturday morning I woke up early and took the kids down to my brother's house. They live about an hour and a half from me - so 3 hour round trip. Following me so far? I rushed home so I could be here for a phonecall from Melissa, who has created an AWESOME photo-blog/site for me (which none of you can see for about a week, lol).
The call was about 3 o'clock and once it was done I waited for Jenn to get here so we could head to Springfield to celebrate my birthday with adults :). Bowling and craziness was in the forecast.

BUT - that feeling was on my heels again and at 5:00 (when we were getting ready to leave) my brother calls me. He wasn't panicky, but he sounded stressed and worried and there was a child SCREAMING in the background. Turns out it was my child - my 7 year old son. "Hon, Isaac had an accident. He doesn't remember what happened but he has a bump on his head, his nose is swollen and bleeding and he's scratched up everywhere. Its pretty bad. Do you want me to take him to the hospital?"
Ok - I'll be honest. I know my son has the tendency to freak out over a scab coming off so the sound of him shrieking didn't really cause me to panic. My brother did sound a little freaked out. But, I was still in that Party mindset and tried to shrug it off. I was absolutely being selfish.
Jenn and I drove to Springfield (to pick up Sean) and even though my brother was calling every 15 minutes updating me, I still thought it would just blow over and I could still get my groove on.
Sean called when we got there and they had decided to take him to Skaggs in Branson, which was 45 minutes or so away from us - oh, its a hospital. (The one I was born in almost 27 years ago.)
SO, Sean and I decided to take Jenn's van (she was amazing to offer it to us) and headed out to him.

This is what I saw when we finally got there and were escorted to his room:


(sorry its blurry - I didn't care much at the time.)
Um, yeah. Internally Sean and I crumbled - and people, this is NOT the half of it. He has road-rash all over his chest, the skin is gone off of his knee and two places on his foot, his left shoulder is minus skin, his back has scratches on it and the backs of his hands are skinned. He was shaking and would jump every now and then when the pain in his leg got to bad. But he was SO good. He did not scream or cry - I could NOT have handled it as well...no way. The doctor was told that we were there and he came in to talk to us. He was Exceptional! Then I was given the option to give my son Tylenol with codeine or Morphine. MORPHINE?! I explained the options to him - he chose tylenol and I was happy, lol.
Eventually I walked down the hall with him toward x-ray. I can say that I've seen inside my son's mind - and its gray and gushy :). They did a CT scan (which he loved because it moved like a ride) and 11 x-rays. By this time he was chatty and when he was told not to move he didn't - such a little man.
Then we got back to the room - and he asked if he could go back to his Aunt and Uncle's house to spend the night...and that this was the best day of his life. WHAT? Suddenly visions of him as a famous stunt man or BMX'r flashed through my mind. He was on tv talking about how many bones he's broken - like a badge of honor. In re-telling the story to me and Sean he said that he was "Going Double Super-Sonic Speed" down a gravel hill and was going too fast so he jumped off, rolled, and flipped over, sliding on his belly.

As this is a long post already I'll talk about the rest of the evening, and today (Sunday), tomorrow.

Photo Frenzy

I've been gone for a few days from here. I think I may have needed a break...or just had to let life catch up with me. I have quite a few things to mention, so lets get started, shall we?

Tuesday - Mom watched the kids so Sean and I could go see Iron Man. OMG that movie ROCKED!! Sean is still in shock that I didn't know the 'Iron Man' song...and I was in shock that he didn't know Carpe Diem meant Seize the Day. Also, we ate at a new Mexican place here in town - Authentic Mexican food. Soooo good. The funny part came after we ate though.
Sean and I ventured forth from the building toward our car. I was a few steps ahead so when he addressed the owner I didn't make out all of what he said. By the time it reached my ears I turned on him and asked "What...did you just say to him??"
"Ah, I was just telling them good night."
"No...what did you say?"
"Buenos Nachos."
Bwahahahaha "Sean, it looks like the pasty white girl is going to have to tell the Hispanic husband that its Buenos NOCHES.....not nachos. You just told him good nachos. Dork.....I am sooo blogging this."

The he threatened that he's going to get a blog just so he can make fun of me online. I told him to "BRING IT ON, BIG BOY!"

Thursday - Now for the photo fun. I know its a lot, and you can find bigger versions by clicking on any pic. It will take you to my flickr stream :). I realized that some people may never check there so it may not be a bad idea to post more photos here every now and then :).

Update and Firsts

I'll start with the update first. Took Lylli to the doctor yesterday and expected to come back home and blog about the horrible idea of putting the Pediatrics office, and various others, so far away from the hospital - where I had to go for Lylli's x-ray. That is, until I left the hospital and decided to go around the curve and try to find my way back to the clinic a different way. Um...as soon as I got around said corner...I realized that the pediactrics office sits directly BEHIND the hospital. When I left the clinic I drove the opposite way, and about 2 miles around town, to get to the hospital the only way I knew how. I felt like such an idiot when I got back to the clinic after x-rays. I kept saying "Duh!!" to myself..lol.
Anyway, I got the privelage of seeing my daughter's x-ray and nearly fell over at seeing the huge balls of "stool" lining each side of her tiny body. In the Doc's opinion, Lylli struggles so much because she's trying to hold it in...not get it out. So, she prescribed Lylli a new kind of laxative that I can buy over the counter and an enema. WHAT???...at least that is what the cartoon character me screamed when she said it. I think it passed out when she said I'd be doing it myself. She did offer to do it at the clinic, but who wants to pay $100 to her when I can buy the enema for $1.38 at Wal-Mart and do it myself??? Well...about half way through hearing my daughter whimper and seeing my husband cringe, I thought that it may have been better for someone else to do it..lol.
I won't get into details from there..but it seems to be working gently. No major explosions like the last laxative I used caused.
Which brings me to the Firsts: Lylli has "made #2" on the potty both times she needed to go today. Ok...for me, this is HUGE!! I didn't have the best of luck training my son so I think I've been putting of training my daughter because of it. I think she's been ready for a while...I guess I just wasn't. So, I'm going to start taking it seriously...starting earlier today. I can tell that she has felt better using the potty today...than using her diaper.

And...Isaac won his game tonight. We have another one on Thursday. Go COYOTES!!

Playing Catch-up

Its been since August that I've posted on here. I just wasn't comfortable with writing in a public place like the library. Now I'm at home, in my PJ's making a new post and it feels great.

Let's see...what has happened recently? I'm just getting over the worse case of bronchitis I've ever had. I had to get a shot of steroids in each butt-cheek on Tuesday of this week just so I could get some relief. I've also not had a real cigarette since last Friday. I've sniffed them and lit them so they could dangle out of my mouth, but no inhaling. Guess I'm quitting :). I needed to anyway.

I was always one of those momma's that said my son would never play football. Even though I love the sport a lot and can lose my voice at every high school football game I go to, I just couldn't bear the thought of watching my little guy get tackled. Well...I gave in. Since there are 2 other boys in the house now that wanted to play I decided I'd let Isaac do it too. I'm including a pic of him I took last night at practice. He doesn't have his jersey yet, should be next week, or his pants. I'll take a better pic of him when he's all suited up.