Saturday, December 27, 2008

Inappropriate Christmas Fun

In an effort to avoid my bedroom, complete with diseased husband, I decided to jot up a quick post about the Christmas conversation I referenced in my last post. It was just so...inappropriate...for Christmas - and I didn't want to forget it.

The scene: A room with my brother, his wife, the hubby, my mom, my 16 year old neice and her boyfriend and my childhood-pastor's...um...wife. (I don't think it'd be right for me to explain the 'um' there...but they are not currently in harmony....). Then we were later joined by my sister and her new fiance (!!!).
Moving on:
  • Dennie (my SIL) telling me she feels sorry for the abuse I suffer (because of my husband's insanity, lol). She named them off: Physical, mental, emotional. They tried to think of more when my husband threw in Aromatically (cuz yes, he really does abuse me with his funk...often). Dennie thought he said Romantically - and the teenage boyfriend nearly passed out from embarassment. Especially when his potentional mother-in-law made us all realize that being abused romantically may not be all bad.
  • I don't know how this one came up, but my sister asked about my gimp mask. I had NO clue what she meant - but, you know...had an idea. Cuz she's my sister - and she's funny like that. Wait. Like funny ha-ha......you know? Anyway, I didn't miss a beat in telling her that it was on backorder. And then my mother nearly died of embarassment.
  • Drugs. Dennie had a headache and was in search of something to take care of it - and it led us down a very disturbing road. Especially when we all started sharing what pretty pills we had with us. Valium, Cymbalta, Darvocet, Percocet. Apparently we are a group of pharmecists...then we realized what a financial opportunity we had. We decided that the street name for stool softeners is Grease Lightening.
  • Dennie took a valium. Through all the laughter I remember someone saying we should slip her some Grease Lightning and how she would shut down and crap in her sleep. My sister "She wake up and be all, 'I dreamed I was making snow angels". Me "Poo Angels!! And then the Neice and her boyfriend bolted.

Ahhh, Good times, good times. There was also a lot of other topics (like lesbians, small town rumors, and the fact that my mother is deaf and can't remember anything)...but, I probably shouldn't talk about those things :).

Hope your Christmas was as inappropriate as mine :)

2 comments:

Denise H said...

LOL oh hell... sounds like my family

Kendra said...

Then I love your family already, lol.